Giving feedback to someone above you can feel like tapping a lion on the shoulder to mention that its mane is a bit flat today. Your heart rate goes up, you rehearse the sentence eleven times, and then you say something so polite that nobody could possibly act on it.
Here is the good news: most senior leaders are starved of honest feedback. The higher people climb, the more the people around them filter what they say. When you give clear, respectful feedback upward, you are often giving a leader something rare.
Why it feels so risky
Under pressure, old patterns switch on. If you learned early that disagreeing with authority was dangerous, your nervous system will treat a conversation with your CEO like a conversation with a strict parent. In my work I call these patterns schemas. Noticing that the fear is partly old and partly about today is often enough to lower the volume.
Five moves that work
1. Start with the business, not the person
Senior leaders think in outcomes. Anchor what you saw to something they care about: revenue, risk, retention, reputation.
“The quick decision on the launch got us into the market two weeks early. Three people on the team told me they found out from the announcement, and two of them have gone quiet in meetings since. I think we’re paying for the speed in engagement.”
2. Describe, don’t diagnose
“You were dismissive” invites an argument. “You checked your phone during Maria’s update and moved to the next item without questions” invites reflection. Behaviour is hard to dispute; labels are easy to reject.
3. Ask for permission, then be brief
“Can I share an observation from Tuesday’s meeting?” gives the leader a moment to lean in. Then say it in under a minute. Long run-ups make people brace for bad news.
4. Offer a door, not a verdict
End with a question: “How did that meeting look from your side?” or “What would help the team hear decisions earlier?” You are opening a conversation, not closing a case.
5. Close the loop
If the leader changes something, notice it out loud. Feedback that is only ever corrective teaches people to avoid you. Feedback that also notices progress teaches them to come back.
Try this: before your next conversation with a senior leader, write your message on a sticky note in three lines: what I saw, why it matters to the business, what I am curious about. If it doesn’t fit, it is too long.
What if it goes badly?
Sometimes a leader bristles. That is information, not failure. Stay curious (“It sounds like I’ve touched something important, can you say more?”) and let the conversation breathe. Many of the most useful feedback conversations I have seen went badly for five minutes and well for five years.
If you’d like help preparing for a high-stakes conversation, one-to-one coaching is a good place to rehearse it safely first.
