Thanksgiving is supposed to be about gratitude.
But if I’m honest, a lot of my 2025 volunteering has forced me to confront the opposite: expectation, entitlement, and the quiet erosion of appreciation.

I spent a big part of this year volunteering – for my community, for people around me, and for my profession. And I’m planning to double down in 2026.

But along the way, I ran into a hard truth: when you show up consistently as a volunteer, people can quickly start treating your contribution as an entitlement, not a gift.

---

When “Thank You” Becomes Transactional

Here’s the pattern I’ve noticed:

• You start volunteering with energy and heart.

• People are appreciative. They’re warm. They say “Thank you!” and they mean it.

• Then you get reliable. You deliver. You take ownership.

• Suddenly the tone shifts from “Thank you for doing this” to “Why isn’t this done yet?”

• The “thank you” doesn’t disappear completely, but it becomes… procedural. A courtesy line. A corporate “Thanks!” at the end of an email – not the real, grounded appreciation that volunteers quietly crave.

And that’s the part nobody likes to admit:
Volunteers do crave appreciation. Not praise, not a spotlight, not compensation – just the feeling that what they’re doing actually matters to the people they’re doing it for.

Because you’re not on a payroll.
You’re giving your time, your skills, your emotional energy – on top of everything else you already carry.

Yet very fast, the relationship can become:

From “Can you help?” to “You’re responsible for this.”

That’s a big emotional shift.

---

The Emotional Cost of “Free”

When something is free, people often unconsciously devalue it.

We live in a commercialized, hyper-transactional world. We’re trained to think in:

• Inputs vs outputs

• Cost vs benefit

• Service levels and SLAs

So when someone is consistently providing “free” value, the mindset of those around them can slide into:

If this is always here, it must belong to us.

That’s where demands creep in.

And if you’re the volunteer, you can start to feel:

• Taken for granted

• Emotionally drained

• Guilty for wanting to step back

• Confused about your own motives: “Why am I doing this again?”

I’ve had to sit with that this year. More than once.

---

The Hard Reset: Why Am I Doing This?

When the appreciation fades and expectations ramp up, I’ve learned I have to pause and ask myself the simplest, hardest question:

Why am I actually doing this?

Not the polished answer. Not the one that looks good on LinkedIn.
The real one.

For me, it’s this:

• To give back to society in a way that feels tangible, not theoretical

• To support people around me, not just in my immediate circle

• To contribute to the profession that has given me so much

• To live in alignment with the values I say I care about

None of these require applause.
None of these come with guarantees of gratitude.

Which leads to the uncomfortable, but necessary realization:

Maybe I have to be okay giving… and expecting nothing in return.

Not because other people’s behavior is always fair or acceptable – it isn’t.
But because my why cannot be fully outsourced to other people’s reactions.

---

The Modern Trap: Volunteering with a Commercial Mindset

Let’s be blunt: most of us (me included) are wired by now to think transactionally.

Even if we don’t say it out loud, a part of us wants:

“If I give this much, surely I’ll get at least this much appreciation, respect, or recognition in return.”

That’s a commercial mindset applied to a human act.

Volunteering exposes that mindset fast.

You realize:

• There is no contract.

• There is no KPI for gratitude.

• There is no performance review for being a decent human.

And yet, as modern professionals, we keep unconsciously carrying those expectations into spaces that were never meant to be transactional.

Maybe the real stretch for us – as “modern people” – is learning to:

• Give without needing it to be a “good deal”

• Contribute without turning it into an invisible invoice

• Stay generous without becoming resentful when the “ROI” doesn’t show up

That’s not soft. That’s emotional discipline.

---

What I’m Taking into 2026

I’m not going to stop volunteering. If anything, I’m going to do more.

But I’m going into 2026 with sharper edges and clearer boundaries:

• Give from conviction, not from guilt.
  If I’m doing it just because I “should”, resentment is a matter of time.

• Detach from constant external validation.
  I still value appreciation – deeply. I’m just no longer making it a condition for showing up.

• Set boundaries early.
  Volunteering is not a blank check. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to reset expectations.

• Name the reality.
  When volunteering starts feeling like an obligation instead of a choice, that’s a signal to pause and recalibrate.

• Protect the joy of giving.
  Because when the joy is gone, the giving becomes hollow – and everyone loses.

---

An Invitation for You

If you’ve volunteered this year – formally or informally – take a moment this Thanksgiving to ask yourself:

• Where did I give freely?

• Where did I feel used or taken for granted?

• What do I need to change in 2026 to keep giving without burning out?

And if you work with volunteers – in your company, your profession, your community – ask yourself:

• Have I started to expect what I should still be appreciating?

• When I say “thank you”, does it sound like a line… or does it land like it’s real?

This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for the chance to contribute.
I’m also grateful for the friction that forced me to reflect on how I contribute – and what I expect in return.

Because at the end of the day, maybe the real shift we need is simple:

Give. Expect nothing.
And be intentional, not naive, about both.

That’s the mindset I’m carrying into 2026.